Full Course Description

The Crisis of Trust in Today’s Couples

OBJECTIVES

Discuss how younger generations conceptualize relationships today

OUTLINE

Discuss how younger generations conceptualize relationships today
- They are in committed relationships, but not necessarily married
- They are more comfortable having sexual encounters that are usually free of emotional attachment
- The younger generation is waiting later to get married, usually as a way to guard against early divorce. This is especially true among women
- Women are having children earlier in their marriages
Explain the trends in relationship satisfaction over the past three decades
- Kids drive marital satisfaction down by driving couples apart and creating more conflict
- There is a higher level of education amongst today’s couples and more individual fulfillment for women.
- There is more polyamory today as part of the “hookup culture,” and an imbalance of security with this from one partner
- Women are relying less on wife and child-rearing roles in order to achieve happiness
Identify the byproducts of open relationships or those based on sex alone
- Partners in an open relationship often feature a dynamic where one partner is a willing participant and the other keeps up a façade in order to please the willing partner
- Noncommittal relationships are partially based on issues with attachment; in contemporary relationships among younger generations, parents’ divorce may play a role
- Even relationships labeled purely sexual/free of emotional commitment contain degrees of attachment. The brain chemical oxytocin is released even during non-sexual physical touch.

Copyright : 26/05/2015

The New Rules of Love: How Couples Are Reinventing Marriage

OBJECTIVES

Explain the premise of today’s “capstone marriage” and how it differs from marriage arrangements in previous generations.

OUTLINE

Explain the premise of today’s “capstone marriage” and how it differs from marriage arrangements in previous generations.
- Partners enter relationships as self-sufficient and with their own fully-formed identities Partners’ pre-formed identities are harmonious, but still differentiated
- In traditional marriage, partners pursued goals together, without having arrived at a state of self-sufficiency
- Partners used to get married earlier in life; with the capstone marriage, they’re waiting
Discuss the new divorce rate trends in the Boomer generation.
- Partners used to date because they were unhappy; today, they divorce because they feel they could be happier
- Partners consider divorce when their needs are not being met, approaching relationships as a costs vs. benefits scenario
- Divorce is a more acceptable concept for Boomers today than a decade ago. One-third of Boomers are either now divorced, widowed, or never married
- Boomers don’t consider age a hindrance to divorce. Even as seniors, they see purpose in divorce
Identify why community networks are important to the health and survival of relationships.
In gay and lesbian relationships, mother or father figures are brought in where there wasn’t one previously (for instance, two gay men may have an aunt fulfill a motherly role)
Communities can give a relationship structural support. Rural areas experience a higher divorce rate than more heavily populated ones.
People have a need to develop platonic attachments to others in order to find overall satisfaction in their social life
Putting emphasis on one person as an outlet for social fulfillment can drain a relationship

Copyright : 29/07/2014

Divorce and Commitment in the Age of the Consumer Marriage

OBJECTIVES

Explain the concept of the “consumer marriage” and how it impacts commitment.

OUTLINE

Explain the concept of the “consumer marriage” and how it impacts commitment.
- Commitments aren’t followed as closely because people’s personal interests are taken into account first and foremost
- An emphasis is placed on personal economic and psychological welfare
- In many instances where a marriage follows this model and a relationship is suffering, one partner is “leaning out”
- Social networks contribute in large part to the notion of a consumer marriage
Describe four questions that a therapist might ask while conducting Discernment Counseling.
- “What’s happened to your marriage that’s gotten you to the point where divorce is being considered?”
- “What have you tried to do, individually or as a couple, to repair things so that you didn’t get to this point?”
- “What role, if any, do your children play in your decision-making about divorce?”
- “What was the best time in your relationship since the time you met, where you felt the most connection and joy?”
Identify how Boomers’ and Generation Xers’ attitudes toward divorce impact those of Millennials.
- Since Boomers and Gen Xers were the pioneers of divorce culture, many Millennials are skittish about marriage
- Lower income Millennials are skipping marriage and having kids in unstable relationships
- Millennials go through a rotation of relationships because of their fear of marriage
- Among college-educated Milliennials, divorce rates are lower

Copyright : 29/07/2014

A Brave New World: The Age of the Millennial Couple

OBJECTIVES

Identify the three phases Pat says are necessary for women to get what they want out of relationships with men.

OUTLINE

Identify three steps for helping clients “right-size” their lives with their values.
- Teach clients to live within their means, not try to emulate the idealized lifestyles they see in movies and television
- Ask clients consider who they are, what they stand for, and who they wouldn’t be without particular characteristics
- Validate what the client is saying and write their statements down
- Hold clients accountable to the standards they set for themselves
Explain the concept of choice fatigue and why it impacts Millennials disproportionately.
- Millennials have more choices than they can manage and greater stress as a result
- Millennials live in a culture where dating websites and apps are prolific, and may repeatedly exit relationships when they think they could find better
- Millennials are delaying marriage because of choice fatigue
- Millennials will need to be more proactive about finding and maintaining a relationship
Discuss the impact of the cohort effect on Millennial couples and how therapists should adjust their approach with these clients accordingly.

Millennial couples have 24/7 contact with each other in a way no generations did before

Cohorts of friends become the frame of reference and the guidance system for Millennial relationships, whereas parents once filled this role more fully
The therapist will need to be a “wise visitor”-more attuned to the culture that Millennial clients are living in
Therapists cannot assume that their value system is the same as that of their Millennial clients

Copyright : 29/07/2014

Gender Roles in Marriage: How They've Changed

OBJECTIVES

Explain why polarity and sexual tension are essential to the health of romantic relationships.

OUTLINE

Explain why polarity and sexual tension are essential to the health of romantic relationships.
- Exciting sex naturally involves a good amount of dominance, submission, and power
- Women like men who do manly things, although they don’t want to be oppressed by it
- Polarity emphasizes clear definitions of what it means to be a man and a woman, in line with predominant social constructions
- “Soft” men are usually seen as less desirable; many women prefer a natural aggressiveness in sexual matters
Identify the three phases Terry says are necessary for women to get what they want out of relationships with men.
- Daring to rock the boat: being upfront and confrontational about your needs and desires
- Helping him out: teaching your partner how to be your partner
- Making it worth his while: reducing complaining and giving positive reinforcement and encouragement
Describe three ways in which Millennials have reinterpreted gender roles.
- Millennials are especially gender progressive
- Millennial women aren’t pushing for a worthwhile career, they expect a worthwhile career
- Millennial men are more comfortable performing tasks traditionally allotted for women, such as raising children and doing housework
- Millennial men are more expressive and emotional, attributes traditionally associated with women

The Monogamy Continuum

OBJECTIVES

Describe the difference between explicit and implicit monogamy, and why it’s important that partners discuss their definitions of monogamy with each other.

OUTLINE

Describe the difference between explicit and implicit monogamy, and why it’s important that partners discuss their definitions of monogamy with each other.
- Explicit monogamy is defined as the sort of promises that a couple made at the alter under the guises of what their religion, culture, parents, or community says
- Implicit monogamy is the assumption about how couples actually define monogamy in practice
- It is important for partners to discuss their definitions of monogamy together so that future problems can be prevented and to keep intimate communication going
- Partners should discuss their definitions of monogamy to work together to create healthy boundaries for their thoughts and behaviors
Identify the three traits that are characteristic of infidelity.
- There is a relationship occurring outside of the marriage
- There is a different kind of sexual experience than typically occurs within the marriage
- There is dishonesty between partners
Discuss the concept of “split parts” in men and explain how integrating these parts can be beneficial to their relationships.
- Men should bring the many aspects of their life-work, romantic, and fantasy included-into conversations with their partner
- Men have a tendency to compartmentalize aspects of their life
- Men will often feel relieved to know a safe space has been established where they can address topics they were initially afraid to share
- A man’s partner can be a more informed ally in helping the man work toward goals and through problems and insecurities when integration is achieved

Building Trust, Love and Loyalty in Relationships with John Gottman, Ph.D. & Julie Schwartz Gottman, Ph.D.

OBJECTIVES

Summarize the basis of stable, happy relationships revealed by research.
Explain what corrodes relationships, including the four predictors of relationship demise.
Identify how couples can build trust.
Describe how repair is critical in all relationships.
Describe ways how couples can create rituals of connection and create shared meaning.
Identify ways in which couples can establish loyalty and commitment.